I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
