never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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