New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
