If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Green mimosas i think yes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
