Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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