I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just pee around me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
