His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize