I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
