It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
