you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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