SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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