I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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