i don't like sucking hair
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
