The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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