she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
