When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
