how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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