break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
