As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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