you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
