So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
