The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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