Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
