I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
