I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
