Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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