your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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