we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
