so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
