Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
