We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
