I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
