True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
