sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
