are you so shy because you have an std?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
