for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
