Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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