Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
