New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize