She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
