Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize