Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
