Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
