Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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