I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
