Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
