i wish there were pregnant emoticons
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
