Who wears a wallet chain?!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
