whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
