I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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