He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
