I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
