i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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