It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
