When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
