my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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