Pappa wants mamma naked
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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