this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
