There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
