You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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