I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
