And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
