Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
