i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
