tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
