Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize