I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
