apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you win again, gameday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
