Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
