i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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