we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
