Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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