so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
