Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize