I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
