what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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