i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She bit a glass in half.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
