I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
