i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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