he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize