After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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