Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
