Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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