we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
