So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
