sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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