I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
