So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
