I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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