So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
