I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we're chasing vodka with high fives
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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