i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
