Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
