I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
