no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
