It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
