hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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