Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
