I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
