So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
