i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
