And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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