I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
