Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
