dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
