there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
