So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
