i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize