i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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