ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
where are my eyebrows?
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