The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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