Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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