I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
