cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize